Life After the Dude String

Rudy is an appaloosa horse I rescued from auction last May. He is about 11 years old and was sent to auction from a dude string operation that was downsizing. He was ridden in the ring and seemed very well trained, yet it was only me and the meat guy bidding on him. There were a lot of "saddle" horses at this auction and by the time Rudy came into the ring many people had left already.


Rudy was quite pushy with his head and unaware of personal space when he first arrived. I figure one of the few pleasures of being on "the string" is getting to push "dudes" around. He would follow me around like a puppy whenever I was in the quarantine pasture. Over time his behaviour became more respectful.


About six weeks after his arrival he was adopted out to an older couple looking for a quiet horse for her because one of her arms was weak as a result of an accident years prior. This was the first adoption I had done and I made the mistake of letting them take Rudy home the same day. My gut did not feel right about it, but the person who helped me assess the fit of horse and human felt he would get a good home and be well cared for. Despite my reservations I let the adoption go ahead. I felt covered by the five page adoption contract they had to sign, which allowed me to visit at any time and "confiscate" him if he was not adequately being cared for.


Not three weeks had passed when I got a phone call saying they wanted to return Rudy because he tried to buck and they didn't feel safe with him. Apparently a couple weeks after adopting Rudy they took him out on a trail ride. The wife loped away on a mare and the husband tried to hold Rudy back. For some reason these lifelong horse people were surprised that Rudy got upset. I had made a point of explaining that he had not been ridden out alone since being rescued. Considering that trail horses basically follow the tail in front of them on the same trails day after day while trying to ignore the confusing cues coming from the passenger bouncing around on their backs, what they tried to do with Rudy was ridiculous. I took Rudy back and gave them a full refund.


I briefly rode Rudy once bareback shortly thereafter and have not ridden him since. At the time I tried to do some NH groundwork with him. As soon as the pressure increased a little his "resistance" would dramatically escalate and he would try to bite. I confess, not knowing better at the time, I tried "round penning" him. It took several minutes for him to "join up", a euphemism for submitting his will. He then followed me around in that dissociated manner characteristic of this approach. It felt hollow and "wrong" to me on a gut level. I stopped trying to "train" him after that, deciding Rudy just needed time to be a horse, possibly for the first time in his life.


I had this feeling that Rudy was aware his adoption would be temporary. I let him pick one of Linda Kohanov's "The Way of the Horse" cards last summer. He quite carefully selected "Chiron, the wounded healer" card, rubbing his lip up and down on it. He has become a favourite horse amongst clients. One woman who used to be part of the dressage world stated that Rudy was not the kind of horse she would typically even notice, but that he was such a "ham" she couldn't help but be drawn to him. At least three clients have stated that they would adopt him if the circumstances were right.


Rudy became completely enamoured with Isis, a beautiful thoroughbred mare also rescued from auction, upon her arrival last July. One evening Rudy got separated from Isis while they were grazing in the 40 acre forest. I was hanging out in the middle of the forest with the other horses when I heard Rudy in the distance start whinnying repetitively. He galloped across the entire length of the property and then met up with the rest of the herd. When he discovered that Isis wasn't there he began desperately looking for her again. I ran beside him all the way back to the barn and then back through the forest. We finally found Isis, who didn't even lift her head from grazing when he ran up to her, nostrils flaring from having spent the last 20 minutes galloping around the forest searching for her. I thought his dedication to her was amazing. How many horses, other than a mare looking for her foal, would gallop away from the herd while loudly announcing their location to potential predators in order to locate a missing herd member?


Things were going quite well with Rudy until about three weeks ago when he started to display some mildly aggressive behaviour. He will purposefully seek me out and is friendly for a couple of minutes, then he pushes me quite abruptly with his head and tries to bite. Based on Imke's book and recent training I did with Carolyn Resnick I have chosen to just walk away from him rather than react to his behaviour. It is my sense that he is angry and is expecting a certain response from humans to his behaviour. I want him to know that relationships with humans don't have to look like what he has known in the past. I have communicated to him that he is completely free to express whatever he needs to, but that it isn't ok to direct his anger toward me and if I feel uncomfortable or unsafe in response to his behaviour I will leave. He is always one of the first horses to seek my company when I enter the pasture, so I know my leaving has some significance to him.


I held a workshop a couple of weeks ago, during which Rudy was rather pushy with clients whom he had been quite gentle with in the past. It was very interesting to watch what happened after we left the field. Stryker, the herd leader, came up to Rudy and had horse "words" with him before driving him off. I had the sense that Stryker had been watching and felt it was time for Rudy to realign his behaviour with the herd. Rudy seemed to be processing what had happened as he slowly walked over to the waterer. By the time he rejoined the herd his energy level was noticeably calmer.


Observing this helped me clarify my approach to dealing with Rudy's episodes of "acting out". I want this to be a place where equines and humans are completely free to feel what they need to feel. There are some natural checks on this that arise when the resultant behaviour starts to threaten the well being of others. If Rudy directs his anger toward me I will leave and he will lose my companionship in that moment. It is my responsibility to keep myself safe while spending time with the horses. When I don't feel safe I leave the pasture, which I am free to do at any time. Rudy is confined to the pasture, which is his home. As a guest in his home I feel I have no business driving him away or insisting he behave a certain way. Stryker nicely demonstrated that the horses themselves will deal with any disruption to herd dynamics. That is their responsibility and I do not feel it is my place to interfere with this.


My sense is that Rudy finally feels safe enough here to fully awaken from what has likely been many years of dissociation as a way of coping with an unbearable life on the dude string. What has come up in response to this reintegration is feelings of anger for how he has been treated. When you are not respected as an individual and forced to constantly submit to the will of another the natural response is anger. When a horse shuts down emotionally to cope with an oppressive situation the anger is suppressed until a time when the horse feels safe enough to reconnect with these feelings. The same dynamic occurs with humans. In light of this, the worst thing I could do is punish him. To support him in his healing journey I need to give him the freedom to fully experience his emotions, even if they're not pleasant or make me feel uncomfortable.


In quietly holding space for another being, whether human or equine, during intense emotional release we offer a sacred and precious gift.




(My next post will discuss how I am hoping to help Rudy through play and will include video clips I took yesterday evening of him with a 40" soccer ball.)