Mama Moose & Babe

A couple of mornings ago I was delighted to look out my dining room window and see Mama moose in the forest about fifty feet from the house. Jessie, my German shepherd, was outside barking at her, so I lured her back into the house and went outside with my camera. As I approached I saw Baby moose as well. I had been noticing two sets of tracks throughout the forest, but was perplexed because one wasn't noticeably smaller than the other. When I saw Baby it was obvious why.... he's a big baby! For those who are not familiar with moose, other than mom's with calves and briefly during mating season, they are solitary animals, which is fairly unusual in the world of ungulates. Here is a video of Mama moose and her calf.




As I was driving toward town later that morning I was fortunate enough to see a herd of elk in a pasture. Here are a couple of video clips. The music in the background is the radio, which I didn't realize would record so loudly. It was reassuring to see that the elk are leery of vehicles that pull over on the road, because I'm sure the odd hunter has no qualms with shooting an elk from the road, even though it's illegal. There have been elk in my forest this winter for the first time since I've lived here, and, I suspect, for the first time in thirty years. My neighbour to the south told me elk don't come around here. For two winters I saw no sign of them. This year there was elk scat everywhere. I have not actually seen them because while in the forest they tend to be nocturnal and rather elusive. You tend to either see a herd with 50+ members in an open field during the day or none at all. It dawned on me that it took the elk two winters to realize that the hunter who used to live here was gone and that they were now safe in this forest.






When I returned from town I noticed fresh moose tracks right up to the living room window where the dogs usually sleep (on the couch). They then went down to the barn and sampled the alfalfa hay. I looked out the kitchen window and there was Mama moose sleeping in the forest. I walked around outside, giving Mama moose lots of room so as not to disturb her, looking for Baby in his bed, but did not see him. I then slowly approached a tree about 60 feet from Mama moose, asked if I could rest with her and then knelt down in the snow next to a pine tree. I silently sent her messages that she was safe here and very welcome anytime. I told her how beautiful and unique I thought she was and thanked her for letting me see her baby. She was initially looking right at me with her ears pointing toward me. After a few minutes she looked off in another direction, licked her hind leg and scratched her chin. She seemed to be quite comfortable with my presence by that point. After about 40 minutes I thanked her for letting me spend time with her and quietly left. Unfortunately, I had another appointment in town or I probably would have been there all afternoon.

Here is a photo of Mama moose resting.




When I got back home I went to look for Mama and Baby. They were no longer in their beds. I found Baby's bed about 15 feet from his Mama's. As I was taking photos of the beds and scat piles I could hear the moose further in the forest. I walked in the direction of the noise and found two new beds. Unfortunately, I think I scared them off and they headed deep into the forest.

Here is Mama moose's bed. In the left upper corner you can see an impression from her tail with a lower leg coming down from there and marks from both hooves. The imprints from her bent knees are to the right of her lower leg. Just to the left of the tree trunk is an impression of her left elbow. There is some hair she shed in the lower right corner. This is the bed from the above photo of Mama moose resting. You can refer to this photo to help figure out her body position on the snow. In the photo you can see her right hind leg sticking out in front of her. Her hock and lower leg are resting in the snow. (You can get a better look at the bed by clicking on the photo.)




Here is a close up of the hair:




Here is a photo of Mama moose's scat with a Canadian quarter (moose head up) for size reference. There are a couple old pieces of horse poop in the photo.




I did not see the moose yesterday, but when I went to the barn this morning to feed the horses, there were fresh tracks into the hay shelter. They rubbed off three big wads of hair on the metal gate into the shelter. The gate now has a noticeable curve to it that wasn't there before. I saved the fur, which I noticed has a very distinct "moose" smell to it. I then discovered that Mama and Baby had slept in the forest near the house again. Very interestingly, Mama moose made her bed right by the tree I had knelt under a couple of days earlier. The bare patch just to the left of the tree trunk is the spot where I knelt down into the snow. Baby's bed was a few feet away.




Here is another photo of today's bed that nicely shows her bent hocks (lower left) and lower leg (bottom) with the imprints of her bent knees (right). To the left there are little blood splatters in the snow. The first time I noticed this, a couple of years ago, I wondered if the Mommy moose (not sure if it's the same Mom) was about to have a new baby. She still had her twins with her, which she would normally drive away prior to giving birth to her new calf. I noticed several big, fat ticks left behind in her beds at the time, which led me to speculate that these blood spots are from tick bites. I haven't seen any ticks in the beds this year, but they tend to be a problem for moose this time of year. I have found the occasional tick on the horses in spring. Fortunately, the horse is not the proper host, so the tick hangs on for awhile, but can't complete its life cycle.




Here is a photo of Mama moose's track.




Needless to say between some very windy weather the last couple of days and our visitors from the forest the horses have been really edgy. For those who do not live in moose country, horses for some reason tend to be terrified of moose. Two years ago when the Mom and twins showed up the entire herd ran into the forest to hide except for Bell, the Clydesdale, and Ramsay, a mini. It was quite comical to see this unlikely pair, the biggest and smallest herd members, holding the front line against the "invaders". Wilbur, the donkey, was nowhere to be seen. Donkeys are known to protect their herd from canids. Moose are definitely a different story. The moose are absolutely unfazed by the horses and their panic-stricken antics. The Mom and twins hung around for awhile and the herd eventually settled down when they realized the little moose family wasn't going to have them for lunch.

Wildlife tracking is also part of my "Healing with Horses" program. Here is a cool photo of the imprint left in the snow when a raven took off.

The Adventures of Duke & Patches the Pony

Duke, a yearling Clydesdale, & Patches, a weanling pony, would like to invite you to join them on their first adventure into the forest at The Dawn of Equus Sanctuary. Shortly after heading into the woods they discover this entrance to someone's underground home. They approach carefully, not knowing who might pop out!





Our little adventurers then have fun climbing on the burnt roots of a large tree. There was a forest fire here many years ago.




Does anyone know what the two plants are that Duke and Patches are nibbling on in this photo? (Clue #1: Duke's plant can be made into a tea and in late summer Patches might find berries on her plant. Clue #2: Duke and Patches need to be careful as they have wandered into boggy terrain.)




Next they come upon a friendly little red squirrel eating lunch.




Here they are enjoying the view from a lovely vista they have discovered.




Duke and Patches have found a fun little play spot amongst old roots.




Oh oh, where are you going Patches? She has found an opening into a squirrel midden. Be careful little weanling....




Patches ventures a few steps further then disappears into the depths of the midden! An intense rescue mission is launched. Initial attempts to locate Patches are unsuccessful. (If one did not know better one would suspect a manic badger had had a go at this midden.)




After 30 minutes of excavation Patches is recovered, a little disheveled, but no worse for the wear! (The same cannot be said for their human companion who had to carry out the rescue mission.)




Time for our two little friends to return to the safety of their pasture for now. Stay tuned for their next adventure!

The Vicissitudes of Nature

Today started out very beautiful here in the foothills of the Alberta Rockies. Here's a clip of the horses coming in for their breakfast. It was an absolutely lovely, sunny morning.



Bell is at the front of the line. Notice her beautiful feathering. The vet came this afternoon to sedate Bell, shave her feathering, and scrub her lower legs with Hibitane. He then applied a black gooey paste to the active lesions. Bell was a star! Hopefully this will help finally clear up her skin condition.

After Bell was ready to return to the herd I went for a walk in the forest with the dogs. Within half an hour a thunderstorm blew in and tiny hail filled the air. While trying to take a photo of the donkeys thunder clashed very nearby, so the dogs and I scooted to the house. In this photo there are 3 donkeys in the shelter with Jasper standing looking rather pathetic in front. Jasper had been in the big shelter by himself, but decided to move for the photo op.













After getting into the house the hail changed to a snow storm with almost zero visibility. We ended up getting about 6" of snow. Even in our little forest oasis the wind was so strong it was blowing the hay away as I put it out.


Here is an "Ogopogo" photo of two deer at the edge of the pasture.














Ironically, I saw my first Robin of the season during the snow storm. Here are some photos of the horses this evening. It always amazes me how well the horses just accept what is.


Bell and Stryker















Juno




















Luna and Juno















And....the donkeys! (Sweat Pea, Wilbur & Jasper)














This would make a great Christmas card!


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Healing Trauma in Horses

(N.B. This post has been modified from the original version.)

I have been deeply reflecting on what active role humans have to play in helping horses heal. I feel pulled to this particular aspect of the horse-human dynamic and sense that therein somehow lies my soul purpose in this lifetime. I have been questioning whether I am wandering astray in wanting to further explore psychological trauma in horses or perhaps allowing myself to be distracted from simple presence in the moment with my horses.

Why do I feel this is an important issue? Because equus caballus has, and continues to, pay a high price for their association with our species. I feel a deep grief about this and feel called to somehow give back to the horse. I personally do not see myself as a therapist for horses, nor do I see horses as therapists for people. I do, however, feel that both species can support and facilitate healing in the other. It is the mutuality of this interspecies journey that is so powerful. I chose to start a small horse and donkey rescue so that women and horses could walk together along the path to healing, thus the name of my program, "Healing with Horses".

In response to my post, "Reflections on Rudy's Journey", Lynne wrote: "Remember, you offer love for this being and friendship for this individual first and foremost." I wholeheartedly agree. Without love and the purest of intent for the wellbeing of our equine friends nothing else we do has any real meaning. Simply holding the sacred space of possibility for a deeply traumatized horse is incredibly powerful. Beyond this, I wonder, what else can we do to help horses heal?

In response to this question, Margrit Coates commented, "In my work as an interspecies healer, I come across horses that are much loved. Yet they still do not have inner peace and hold on to the shock of trauma. That can result in emotional or physical issues. Love can create a bond and a communication channel...but a soul to soul connection is what makes the differance to a horse. In my experience spiritual healing* is the gateway to a soul connection. It takes our expression of what we think is love onto a higher plane, raising it to the unconditional level that the horse needs, so that he or she can let go of their turmoil." I very much look forward to her "Healing for Horses" workshop here in July. Perhaps this will provide some guidance on my path. (*aka Energy Healing)

I feel one particularly important aspect of this issue is educating "owners" about the signs of trauma in the horse. By recognizing that a horse's behaviour may be the result of past trauma, the owner can focus on helping the horse heal, rather than "remedial" training. There are many deeply traumatized horses out there who face bleak futures because of the longterm effects of what has been done to them. Many of these horses are disciplined or put into harsh training programs, ensuring the horse stays in a robotically obedient dissociative state. Or worse, they are sent to slaughter for being "dangerous" or "difficult". I think if we don't recognize the manifestations of trauma in horses we cannot approach them in the most helpful way, nor can we recognize when something we are doing with a horse is traumatizing. The popularity of practices such as "join up" is evidence that many well-intentioned horse "owners" are not able to differentiate between deep connection with the horse and dissociative obedience. I suspect on some level many do recognize it, but block those feelings out because they don't know what else to do.

On page 94-95 of "Empowered Horses" Imke describes her work with "Shane and The Tire". Starting on page 96 ("The Meaning of Little Things") she goes into more detail. At the top of pg 98 she states "he just cannot bring himself to step into the tire. That disppoints him, he shows some mild stress- it is a kind of inner withdrawal that, in typical pony fashion, makes him look rather sleepy. He shuts off."

Subtle indications of shutting off are so important to recognize in any horse, yet so very few people are aware of this. Shane is showing what is likely a very normal response to being "over-faced" by a request from a human. Withdrawal inward and shutting off help him to cope with a situation that he can no longer handle. This normal behaviour can become problematic if the horse is frequently stressed beyond his ability to cope and ends up spending a lot of time shut off. It is my sense that this is a common response of horses to overwhelming stress. If "fight or flight" is not an option, dissociation is the only choice left. That is why it is also such a common defence mechanism used by traumatized children.

A comment on Stormy's blog questioned whether Lisa should move Comet around with a stick as per Carolyn Resnick's Water Hole Ritual #4 ("herding from behind"). Lisa, however, describes a horse who is primarily in a dissociative state. Horses such as Comet first need help to slowly "awaken" and spend more and more time fully aware and present. We do not do this by herding him around, round penning him or anything else that is going to over activate his sympathetic nervous system. The tendency to dissociate is typically associated with difficulties regulating physiological arousal. When not dissociated, the individual is often in a state of hypervigilance. Stimulation of the sympathetic nervous system will then typically result in the horse either "exploding" into "flight or flight" or, alternatively, dissociating. These are both neural pathways we do not want to continue reinforcing. Rather, we need to slowly build trust with such a horse. Of utmost importance is ensuring that he truly feels safe with us. (Carolyn Resnick also views this as necessary before you ever move on from Water Hole Ritual #1.)

There is a book by Dr. G.A Bradshaw, "Elephants on the Edge: What Animals Teach us about Humanity", which explores PTSD in elephants and the ways in which people are trying to rehabilitate them "using the same principles psychologists apply in treating humans who have survived trauma." As is often the case in our relationship with the more-than-human world, our similarities in this regard probably far outweigh any significant differences.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post and I invite any comments you may have.

Rudy's Qualities & Horsey Wordles

From "Kinship With All Life" by J. Allen Boone:

After reading many books and consulting many "experts" on dogs, Boone decides to go looking for Mojave Dan, a desert wanderer, to "really help me solve the enigma of Strongheart", a German shepherd dog and famous move-star he was "dog-sitting."

After a great silence "Dan yawned and stretched. Then he spoke, aiming his words at the stars. 'There's facts about dogs,' he said, 'and there's opinions about them. The dogs have the facts, and the humans have the opinions. If you want facts about a dog, always get them straight from the dog. If you want opinions, get them from the human."

How true this is for all lifeforms, including horses and other humans.

Boone had been asked to read to Strongheart, which he at first found rather odd, but then realized that "the more I had read to Strongheart the more I had been mentally lifting him out of all kinds of limiting dog classifications and balancing life with him as an intelligent fellow being, a fellow being who was entitled to as much of the best of everything as I hoped to enjoy myself...The more I stopped treating Strongheart like a 'dog' in the conventional meaning of the term, the more he stopped acting like 'a dog', at least as far as I was concerned. And the more this fascinating thing happened, the more we began functioning as rational companions and the more the kinship barriers between us came tumbling down."

Boone became aware that "something was definitely blocking the way" to his gaining a better understanding of Strongheart. "Much to my private embarrassment, I finally found out what it was: ME! With all my well-intentioned efforts, I had been making the common ego mistake of trying to do all the thinking and to arrive at all the final conclusions for both of us. It just would not work that way." He decides to flip the dynamic and become a student of Strongheart's. "I would try to set aside all pride in self and species, to quit all intellectual resistance, to become as humble and as receptive as I know how, to let the dog really go to work on me in an educational way."

"The only equipment that Professor Srongheart and I used in our educational system was a book of synonyms, a dictionary, and a notebook and pencil. These, of course, were for me... All that Strongheart had to do as instructor was to be himself. My part was carefully to watch everything he did and search for character qualities in him. My book of synonyms aided me to find the names of qualities and the dictionary gave me a more thorough meaning of the qualities. Then I would list these qualities in my notebook and study just what he did with them in his moment-by-moment living.

"I did not look merely for 'good dog qualities,' as they are usually listed by dog-show judges and other professionals. I was searching for the universal best in qualities, regardless of species identification. For qualities of abiding worth. For the kind of qualities that we humans always respect and honor whenever we find them in the members of our own species. Even for the kind of qualities that all the great world teachers agree are essential for living the superior life.

"I found hundreds upon hundreds of these great qualities in Strongheart. They came welling up in all their purity and glory from deep within him. He diffused them as naturally and as irresistibly as a flower does its perfume, a bird its song, a child its laughter."

I encourage you to try this activity with your horse(s). You can then enter the qualities on the website www.wordle.net and create your own wordle. By entering the horse's name a few times you can make it bigger than the rest of the words. You can also make one freehand if you prefer. Further ideas include buying a few colours of manila tag paper then letting your horse pick his/her favourite colour. Mount your horse's photo on the paper then add his/her name and the qualities you came up with. If you make the sheet of manila tag large enough you can mount it in your barn or feed room and add more qualities over time as they come to your awareness. Not only does it add life to your barn walls, but the photo and words are always there to remind you of both the wonderful qualities of your horse and to keep looking for more.

If you would like to share your horsey wordle with others please paste a link to your wordle in the "Comments" section after this post.

Here is a "Wordle" of some of the qualities I see in Rudy:

http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/1870606/Rudy

You can also do wordles for any of the significant Others in your life, regardless of species.

Reflections on Rudy's Journey

Since writing my last post I have been thinking about the concept of "horse as patient" and "human as therapist". This led me to realize that my last post may have had a feel of me, the human, as expert who knows what the horse needs to heal. This reflects an attitude that is ingrained into you as a medical student- doctor as expert on what ails the patient and how to treat it. Apparently, that way of seeing things still lurks within me despite being out of conventional medicine for some time now. In reflecting upon my relationship with the horses, this is not at all how I want to approach helping them along their healing journeys. In the same way that Imke would not claim that she is the "trainer" and the horse is the "student", I definitely do not want to be the "therapist" and the horse the "patient".

What I'm seeking is a way to help horses heal from their trauma. During this process, I need to trust that the horse will guide me in how to best help him. If I think I am the expert on what he needs I will not be open to his ideas. What I noticed with Rudy was that when he did engage with the ball he seemed to almost attack it and would get very worked up. The energy I felt from him was anger. This gave me the idea that perhaps a way to approach his pushing and biting people would be to suggest he redirect this energy toward the ball. I would not view "beating up the ball" as a therapeutic "technique" per se, but rather an outlet that Rudy seemed naturally drawn to. I have never really seen him play with the ball spontaneously, so that's where I thought the suggestion on my part might help facilitate some release. My sense is that what is most helpful for overcoming the lasting effects of trauma for a given horse will be very individual. Bell, for example, seems to just want space and time. She seems to be "grumpy" the last few weeks, which is out of character for her. Now is that because her skin condition on her legs is irritating her, someone in the herd is pestering her, something else is bothering her or repressed anger is coming up? The truth is I don't know. I definitely need to address any health or environmental issues that could be contributing. When I ask Bell how I can best support her otherwise the answer I get is to just let her be for now. Rudy, on the other hand, always approaches me in the pasture and follows me around. He wants my company, but behaves in a manner that pushes me away, both literally and figuratively. He seems somewhat conflicted, which is why I felt redirecting his behaviour might be helpful for him.

So, ultimately, I don't see myself as a "therapist" for the horse anymore than Imke sees herself as a "trainer". Rather, I hope to help support the horse's healing process in whatever way the horse indicates might be helpful. Like Imke's work there is no way that this could develop into a "Healing Method" because it has to occur on an intuitive level and be focused on the individual horse.

Why do I feel that horses who have been "mistreated" may need to express repressed feelings? I am basing this on my intuitive sense, basic trauma theory and my own experiences along my healing path. I think the one emotion that causes the most suffering in humans, and as a result all life forms on this planet, is anger that is sitting just beneath the surface waiting for a place to happen. For many this anger results from a lifetime of hurts and injustices that have not been worked through, thereby preventing release and healing. How do we heal the anger in our own hearts and facilitate other's healing journeys? That is what I am exploring.

I'd be curious to know how Imke approaches anger that comes up in the horses. Other than leaving the arena when Passaro became dangerous, what things helped him heal that anger? Obviously, a good starting point is seeing him as an individual with a unique way of perceiving and interacting with the world, which I think Imke did an amazing job of.

Really, facilitating the healing path of a horse does not differ from facilitating how a horse moves. If we go in without any preconceived ideas of what the horse "needs", but rather remain open to what unfolds and where the horse guides us, then we are in the best position to be helpful to that individual horse. As Imke does with movement, I think putting forth suggestions to the horse can be potentially helpful. Of course, if the horse says "No" to our suggestion we must honour that.

I'd love to hear some feedback on this subject.

Rudy's Journey

To continue with Rudy's story, here is a video clip of him when he first started playing with the ball a couple of evenings ago. Notice near the end, just before he pushes the ball to Kiah, that he starts to lick and chew, indicating an energetic release. After pushing the ball he further releases by shaking.




In this next clip Rudy is quite focused on the ball. Unfortunately, I didn't catch him throw a couple kicks. Again, just prior to pushing the ball away he releases, this time through a sigh.



In the final clip this horse, who has probably never been allowed the freedom to play, actually has a little fun with the ball and appears to be enjoying exploring movement through lead changes. He then gallops across the field to the corner where Bell had purposefully chosen to rest away from the herd and chases her away. At the start of the clip you can see Isis in the background with a leg cocked looking into the distance. She is quite relaxed at this point. As Rudy is heading toward Bell, Isis moves into the frame, having been startled by Rudy's burst of energy. You can actually hear me unconsciously release through a sigh after Rudy gallops by, demonstrating that my energy level had been escalated in resonance with his.



After moving Bell, Rudy trots over to Isis with an arched neck and sniffs nostrils with her. His heightened emotional state leads Isis to squeal, flip her hind end around and kick at him. Normally, Rudy is able to move Isis and they are close friends within the herd, but she obviously chooses to send him a strong message that she does not appreciate his behaviour.

Below is a sketchy still frame, adjusted for the lighting, of Rudy and Isis shortly before the squeal.













Here is a video clip, of the Blair Witch variety, in which Rudy incites the squeal and kick from Isis. I thought I had turned the video recording off as I was trying to get some distance from the two of them. During my "dramatic" escape you can hear that the excitement leads to Jasper braying. Donkeys are very tuned into the herd energy. They will bray when something is amiss and will act to bring the collective energy down. In essence, they help with emotional regulation of the herd. They are also helpful as a companion to a horse prone to anxiety. I have heard stories of race horses travelling everywhere with "their donkey". (This is not to imply that I condone racing.)





Perhaps Rudy's behaviour, at least in part, involves some release of repressed anger. He may also simply enjoy this style of play. If suggesting he have a romp with the ball redirects and ultimately decreases his pushing and biting behaviour then it is a helpful activity, regardless of the precise underlying dynamics, which can never be fully known.

Release of repressed anger is most effective when there is an associated physical release. This allows discharge of the energy stored in the body as a result of suppression of the "fight or flight" response. A simple example of this would be the common scenario where a horse spooks while being led and is forced to stand completely still in response to yanking on the lead shank despite every fibre in his body being primed to run to safety.

Compared to the first two videos, Rudy's energy after playing with the ball the third time remains escalated, which he then redirects to the two mares, causing some disruption in the herd.This raises the issue of the fine balance between encouraging/facilitating emotive expression/release and pushing the horse (or person) into a dysregulated state from which he has difficulty returning to a calm baseline.

The first two videos nicely demonstrate self-modulation, also known as emotional self-regulation, following an intense emotive release. In the third video Rudy has more difficulty bringing his energy back down into harmony with the herd. Despite generally being submissive to Rudy, Isis quite dramatically mirrors Rudy's emotional state upon approaching her and provides external regulation by her response, which does result in his settling down.

One other issue these clips bring up for me is the way that I verbally try to encourage play with the ball. I feel, perhaps, my voice still comes across as if I'm talking to a child, rather than an adult horse. I am aware of this and trying to find a voice that is fun and energetic while respecting the horse as an intelligent, mature being. I also make the assumption that his behaviour is primarily driven by the release of repressed anger, which I do not know. Simply encouraging play when he is receptive without placing my agenda on it would be my goal in the future.

I will continue to provide updates on Rudy's journey.

Life After the Dude String

Rudy is an appaloosa horse I rescued from auction last May. He is about 11 years old and was sent to auction from a dude string operation that was downsizing. He was ridden in the ring and seemed very well trained, yet it was only me and the meat guy bidding on him. There were a lot of "saddle" horses at this auction and by the time Rudy came into the ring many people had left already.


Rudy was quite pushy with his head and unaware of personal space when he first arrived. I figure one of the few pleasures of being on "the string" is getting to push "dudes" around. He would follow me around like a puppy whenever I was in the quarantine pasture. Over time his behaviour became more respectful.


About six weeks after his arrival he was adopted out to an older couple looking for a quiet horse for her because one of her arms was weak as a result of an accident years prior. This was the first adoption I had done and I made the mistake of letting them take Rudy home the same day. My gut did not feel right about it, but the person who helped me assess the fit of horse and human felt he would get a good home and be well cared for. Despite my reservations I let the adoption go ahead. I felt covered by the five page adoption contract they had to sign, which allowed me to visit at any time and "confiscate" him if he was not adequately being cared for.


Not three weeks had passed when I got a phone call saying they wanted to return Rudy because he tried to buck and they didn't feel safe with him. Apparently a couple weeks after adopting Rudy they took him out on a trail ride. The wife loped away on a mare and the husband tried to hold Rudy back. For some reason these lifelong horse people were surprised that Rudy got upset. I had made a point of explaining that he had not been ridden out alone since being rescued. Considering that trail horses basically follow the tail in front of them on the same trails day after day while trying to ignore the confusing cues coming from the passenger bouncing around on their backs, what they tried to do with Rudy was ridiculous. I took Rudy back and gave them a full refund.


I briefly rode Rudy once bareback shortly thereafter and have not ridden him since. At the time I tried to do some NH groundwork with him. As soon as the pressure increased a little his "resistance" would dramatically escalate and he would try to bite. I confess, not knowing better at the time, I tried "round penning" him. It took several minutes for him to "join up", a euphemism for submitting his will. He then followed me around in that dissociated manner characteristic of this approach. It felt hollow and "wrong" to me on a gut level. I stopped trying to "train" him after that, deciding Rudy just needed time to be a horse, possibly for the first time in his life.


I had this feeling that Rudy was aware his adoption would be temporary. I let him pick one of Linda Kohanov's "The Way of the Horse" cards last summer. He quite carefully selected "Chiron, the wounded healer" card, rubbing his lip up and down on it. He has become a favourite horse amongst clients. One woman who used to be part of the dressage world stated that Rudy was not the kind of horse she would typically even notice, but that he was such a "ham" she couldn't help but be drawn to him. At least three clients have stated that they would adopt him if the circumstances were right.


Rudy became completely enamoured with Isis, a beautiful thoroughbred mare also rescued from auction, upon her arrival last July. One evening Rudy got separated from Isis while they were grazing in the 40 acre forest. I was hanging out in the middle of the forest with the other horses when I heard Rudy in the distance start whinnying repetitively. He galloped across the entire length of the property and then met up with the rest of the herd. When he discovered that Isis wasn't there he began desperately looking for her again. I ran beside him all the way back to the barn and then back through the forest. We finally found Isis, who didn't even lift her head from grazing when he ran up to her, nostrils flaring from having spent the last 20 minutes galloping around the forest searching for her. I thought his dedication to her was amazing. How many horses, other than a mare looking for her foal, would gallop away from the herd while loudly announcing their location to potential predators in order to locate a missing herd member?


Things were going quite well with Rudy until about three weeks ago when he started to display some mildly aggressive behaviour. He will purposefully seek me out and is friendly for a couple of minutes, then he pushes me quite abruptly with his head and tries to bite. Based on Imke's book and recent training I did with Carolyn Resnick I have chosen to just walk away from him rather than react to his behaviour. It is my sense that he is angry and is expecting a certain response from humans to his behaviour. I want him to know that relationships with humans don't have to look like what he has known in the past. I have communicated to him that he is completely free to express whatever he needs to, but that it isn't ok to direct his anger toward me and if I feel uncomfortable or unsafe in response to his behaviour I will leave. He is always one of the first horses to seek my company when I enter the pasture, so I know my leaving has some significance to him.


I held a workshop a couple of weeks ago, during which Rudy was rather pushy with clients whom he had been quite gentle with in the past. It was very interesting to watch what happened after we left the field. Stryker, the herd leader, came up to Rudy and had horse "words" with him before driving him off. I had the sense that Stryker had been watching and felt it was time for Rudy to realign his behaviour with the herd. Rudy seemed to be processing what had happened as he slowly walked over to the waterer. By the time he rejoined the herd his energy level was noticeably calmer.


Observing this helped me clarify my approach to dealing with Rudy's episodes of "acting out". I want this to be a place where equines and humans are completely free to feel what they need to feel. There are some natural checks on this that arise when the resultant behaviour starts to threaten the well being of others. If Rudy directs his anger toward me I will leave and he will lose my companionship in that moment. It is my responsibility to keep myself safe while spending time with the horses. When I don't feel safe I leave the pasture, which I am free to do at any time. Rudy is confined to the pasture, which is his home. As a guest in his home I feel I have no business driving him away or insisting he behave a certain way. Stryker nicely demonstrated that the horses themselves will deal with any disruption to herd dynamics. That is their responsibility and I do not feel it is my place to interfere with this.


My sense is that Rudy finally feels safe enough here to fully awaken from what has likely been many years of dissociation as a way of coping with an unbearable life on the dude string. What has come up in response to this reintegration is feelings of anger for how he has been treated. When you are not respected as an individual and forced to constantly submit to the will of another the natural response is anger. When a horse shuts down emotionally to cope with an oppressive situation the anger is suppressed until a time when the horse feels safe enough to reconnect with these feelings. The same dynamic occurs with humans. In light of this, the worst thing I could do is punish him. To support him in his healing journey I need to give him the freedom to fully experience his emotions, even if they're not pleasant or make me feel uncomfortable.


In quietly holding space for another being, whether human or equine, during intense emotional release we offer a sacred and precious gift.




(My next post will discuss how I am hoping to help Rudy through play and will include video clips I took yesterday evening of him with a 40" soccer ball.)